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Thursday, April 30, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
I need a Break or Somethings Gotta Give!
So a much as it dismays me to say this.
I have been procrastinating life! for a few months it seems like.
and then the things I've been procrastinating or running from make me feel bad that I haven't done them and I feel guilty because of it.
So I am attempting to change that.
I also feel as though my soul is in Discord because of lifes massive questions and points at which I've been pulled or am pulling and nothing is budging:
-a Job (which I have been seeking out since february)
-school (which always puts some stress on us, especially as I am trying to learn, and enjoy it and do really well this year)
-intimacy with G_D (for those who don't know I've been in a spiritual desert since november, and I am seeking the L_RD now more than I was)
-money ( since I don't have a job my income is non-existent and actually in the negative, I recently bought a subway card for 81$ that I put on a credit card because the only way you can get around this town is by the subway and I am just asking and relying on G_D to be my faithful provider. it is Y'sh'a that gives and takes away, all that we have, and right now Income has been taken away from me, perhaps because I'm not a good steward of my money, or perhaps just to allow me to dig deeper into G_D, I really don't know. I also can't pay rent and its due tomorrow, please PRAY for my situation)
-seeking first the Kingdom (this is baffeling to me still and I am trying to do it, well seeking out how to grow deeper with the L_RD in intimacy and also whether the Baptism of the Holy Spirit is something that G_D would give me as HIS son or not)
-pursuit in a relationship (not much to say on this except I have questions for G_D about my future before I decide to pursue this friendship further)
This is not eloquent whatsoever but that is why my soul and heart are in discord within me.
on the up side; I am going through the Psalm and G_D highlighted a verse for me last night,
Psalm 27:14
Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.
HE didn't mention anything more, just pointed that verse out to me... so I'm "waiting", "anticipating" and "hoping" toward the L_RD of lords, the Alpha and Omega.
but my faith is weak and I fear and worry about things 2pm tomorrow will come around quickly and if I don't have rent, I am not sure what will happen, but I will feel like a failure...
failure seems to be starting to set in as it is because of the weight of LIFE.
G_D! Can I praise you from the pit?! (Psalm 30:9 - reference) You are unable to FAIL G_D! what do you want to teach me!?!
well now I'm rambaling please forgive me, and lift me up in your prayers.
may Y'sh'a Bless you abundantly for taking the time to see whats going on in my life.
P.S.
Dayanu:
-It would have been enough L_RD if you would have saved my soul and left me be,
-it would have been enough if you would have lead me through childhood with parents who care for me,
-it would have been enough if you gave me all the jobs I've ever had and all the income I've ever earned
-it would have been enough to send me to college in michigan
-it would have been enough to send me to college in new york to film school
-it would have been enough to give me a place to stay with wise, G_Dly people in new york
-it would have been enough to give me a roommate who <3's(Loves) you L_RD
-it would have been enough to give me an amazing group to fellowship with
-it would have been enough to give me time with my family on vacations since I've moved to new york
-it would have been enough to give me people to spend sedar with this year for passover
-it would have been enough to supply me with friends who encourage and lift me up in times like these
Y'sh'a it would have been enough just to die for me, and give me 1 chance to get it right, but you G_D are faithful in all things, even in the times when the path of righteousness is rough and the ground I walk on is uneven and there are rocks about but you walk with me throughout;
Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
Comfort me now L_RD for you restore my soul, only you Restore My Soul! (reference - Psalm 23:3)
P.S.S.
This is my life as of late.
~Jonathan
I have been procrastinating life! for a few months it seems like.
and then the things I've been procrastinating or running from make me feel bad that I haven't done them and I feel guilty because of it.
So I am attempting to change that.
I also feel as though my soul is in Discord because of lifes massive questions and points at which I've been pulled or am pulling and nothing is budging:
-a Job (which I have been seeking out since february)
-school (which always puts some stress on us, especially as I am trying to learn, and enjoy it and do really well this year)
-intimacy with G_D (for those who don't know I've been in a spiritual desert since november, and I am seeking the L_RD now more than I was)
-money ( since I don't have a job my income is non-existent and actually in the negative, I recently bought a subway card for 81$ that I put on a credit card because the only way you can get around this town is by the subway and I am just asking and relying on G_D to be my faithful provider. it is Y'sh'a that gives and takes away, all that we have, and right now Income has been taken away from me, perhaps because I'm not a good steward of my money, or perhaps just to allow me to dig deeper into G_D, I really don't know. I also can't pay rent and its due tomorrow, please PRAY for my situation)
-seeking first the Kingdom (this is baffeling to me still and I am trying to do it, well seeking out how to grow deeper with the L_RD in intimacy and also whether the Baptism of the Holy Spirit is something that G_D would give me as HIS son or not)
-pursuit in a relationship (not much to say on this except I have questions for G_D about my future before I decide to pursue this friendship further)
This is not eloquent whatsoever but that is why my soul and heart are in discord within me.
on the up side; I am going through the Psalm and G_D highlighted a verse for me last night,
Psalm 27:14
Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.
HE didn't mention anything more, just pointed that verse out to me... so I'm "waiting", "anticipating" and "hoping" toward the L_RD of lords, the Alpha and Omega.
but my faith is weak and I fear and worry about things 2pm tomorrow will come around quickly and if I don't have rent, I am not sure what will happen, but I will feel like a failure...
failure seems to be starting to set in as it is because of the weight of LIFE.
G_D! Can I praise you from the pit?! (Psalm 30:9 - reference) You are unable to FAIL G_D! what do you want to teach me!?!
well now I'm rambaling please forgive me, and lift me up in your prayers.
may Y'sh'a Bless you abundantly for taking the time to see whats going on in my life.
P.S.
Dayanu:
-It would have been enough L_RD if you would have saved my soul and left me be,
-it would have been enough if you would have lead me through childhood with parents who care for me,
-it would have been enough if you gave me all the jobs I've ever had and all the income I've ever earned
-it would have been enough to send me to college in michigan
-it would have been enough to send me to college in new york to film school
-it would have been enough to give me a place to stay with wise, G_Dly people in new york
-it would have been enough to give me a roommate who <3's(Loves) you L_RD
-it would have been enough to give me an amazing group to fellowship with
-it would have been enough to give me time with my family on vacations since I've moved to new york
-it would have been enough to give me people to spend sedar with this year for passover
-it would have been enough to supply me with friends who encourage and lift me up in times like these
Y'sh'a it would have been enough just to die for me, and give me 1 chance to get it right, but you G_D are faithful in all things, even in the times when the path of righteousness is rough and the ground I walk on is uneven and there are rocks about but you walk with me throughout;
Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
Comfort me now L_RD for you restore my soul, only you Restore My Soul! (reference - Psalm 23:3)
P.S.S.
This is my life as of late.
~Jonathan
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